dandelion thoughts

boot camp. it’s real this time.

I’m not complete sure if everyone who has ever gone through a post grad experience can say the same, but I personally feel like it can be summed up in this picture.

I think this week was one of the worst weeks I have ever survived. Dramatic, yes. But coming from college to the real world is tough stuff. Everyone always said it was like boot camp, but I was only at the tip of the iceberg when I was warned. 

I’m probably not that much farther down, but listen now folks… it doesn’t get easier. It was one thing to get a bad grade on your practicum, your midterm, your final… heck! maybe even when you fail a class. BUT THIS. If anyone is feeling sore about those aforementioned topics, just let this scenario sink in for a bit and maybe you’ll feel lucky.

About a month after graduation, God had spoken into my heart about a population of people who often fell through the cracks. Overlooked. Never in my life had I been more clear about the path that I had chosen. And it’s never been more stressful. Choosing to go into occupational therapy has been feeling like a blessing and a curse at the same time.

Knowing this, I wasn’t really sure how to react today when the occupational therapist called me aside to speak to me. Bullets of sweat. My lack of experience and somewhat fear of doing something wrong must have landed me in a sticky situation. He opens his mouth and tells me that he wouldn’t want me to go to school to come out without a job.

Stop. What does this even MEAN.

Everything after that was pretty much a blur. I thought I had been doing okay…I thought… that if God had called me to this role, it would be easy, right?

Wrong„ again. Ha. Silly me, nothing we’re ever called to do is easy. And I realized that there were two very different things that could have come from that situation:

1. I could have been really pissed at the situation: Yelling things in my mind like “F@!# THAT”, walked out, ran to my car and cried my eyes out.

2. I could have been really down about myself. Self-condemnation and then cried my eyes out.

And these were the typical things I probably would have resulted to. I just took it and I did my best.

I won’t lie. There were definitely some thoughts that were characteristic of the two scenarios mentioned above, but overall there was something about today that was different.

I think I was finally able to see differently…

Maybe one day, I’ll be able to look at this and love it—feel like it’s a really big part of who I become.

In the meantime, all anyone can do is push through whatever is coming up even if that means screaming the entire time or crying with snot coming down your face.